Review all the songs. It will be nice to see what we got wrong in a few weeks time......
2011 is finally complete, all the songs are known, the hilarious lyrics, the dodgy accents, the quirky and the formulaic are all there for our aural edification and pleasure.
Where to begin, tis a review I hear you cry…..well random.org suggests that doing a semi one, semi two and finalists review would be a bit boring so we dumped all the songs in iTunes, clicked shuffle and hid the window, took a very large glass of wine and gritted our teeth…..
First up was Ireland. Infectious pop at it’s very best, with a wicked hook that grabs you by the throat and jiggles your insides until you can’t help but start to bop around the room. However these two annoying imbeciles will ruin the whole thing come May…oh well.
Next…. Lithuania. Seriously what is this vile insipid rubbish? Not even good at what it’s trying to do. Next
First of the Balkans out of the bag. Bulgaria. We can see where they were going with this, sadly it fails miserably. Girls next time don’t try to hard…. it’s all meant to flow and not be a strain AND be fun!!!!!! Nice girls though with a long career ahead of them.
Germany wins the first Big Five moment in our draw. Wow, wow, wow. Fantastic song. Our attitude last year was, Germany won, great, but that song…yuck! What a turnaroud this year….this parks itself right up our alley and refuses to move.
The best Balkan song by a mile next. Bosnia seems to be one of our pet “love” countries at ESC and they most certainly did not let us down this year. Went straight to the top of our 2011 chart the minute we heard it. And has more or less stayed there.
Latvia. Wasn’t this what we were all expecting Blue to do? That said, the lyrics aside, it's nice enough.
La Suisse. This plods and plods and plods and plods…..you get the idea. Goes nowhere very slowly. Cute singer though. With a nice voice and we have the sneaking suspicion that this may do rather well….
3JS. Not to be confused with the rather fabulous JLS from the U.K. this is a very decent effort from the Netherlands. Finally. That said we think it’s a mistake to put this into English…. but what do we know
Central Europe gets the next slot with Hungary providing the very obvious Euroclub fodder. Love. Love. Love this. Dramatic vocals, disco-dolly synths, what’s not to like?
Second of the Baltic’s here. This infectious pure 80’s revival pop masterpiece from Estonia would have us screaming from the rooftops should it win. Best song to have come out of ESC for a very long time. One downside is her (coughs) live vocal abilities. Remains to be seen what will happen come May but expect this to go higher than Estonia 2009 and maybe even take the crown.
Another ex-Yugo now….break a leg….oopps….sorry we mean celebrate from Croatia. This divides opinion in our house…Daniel loves it, I hate it. Nuff said.
Malta. Last place? But the absolute darling without question of the whole year;-)) Glen you are an angel
Mr Eric Saade and his popularity musings are trying to regain Sweden’s reputation this year as a great Eurovision nation. Shame it’s not gonna work.
First of the Evil Easterners out of the blocks is Belarus. After we stopped laughing and asked what the real entry was, and then picked out jaws of the floor when we found out this was it, we discussed just how few points this is gonna get. Then the chorus got under our skin, we started dancing and now we love it;-))
Finally an actual proper song. Not to everyone’s taste at all but this superb entry from Georgia will inevitably fail big time at Eurovision, because it’s not dolly, dancey, cheesy or Greek enough to qualify. Shame as it’s brilliant.
Onto Finland. Compared, rather unfairly, to Tom Dice this is quite a nice effort from Finland. None of the sheer class of their rock entries or the outlandish kitsch of last year’s effort, still it’s nice, if a little bland.
Next Big fiver. Spain. Go away. And then come back with a big rousing ballad which you can sing much better than this boppy Spain-by-numbers entry
And at last we come to Dana International. All we can say is Ding-Dong the witch is not gonna win…..what was she thinking serving up some second rate late 90s inspired disco trash that we’d only ever dance to if drunk on holiday somewhere hot and Mediterranean
Contrast with the up to date dance moves from Poland. Fabulously perfect.
Azerbaijan arrives on the shuffle. After the shenanigans from Safura last year and the will she wont she win this is a much better effort from them. Great song. Catches you off guard with it’s simplicity and works very very well. However if the National final is anything to go by they need to get rid of her, as she can’t sing.
Another dominant country in recent years has been Ukraine. Still looking for that elusive second win to add to Ruslana’s triumph. We think they will still be looking after this year. But they came out of left-field last year and think that Mika will do the same this year......and she is STUNNING
So Lucky. Well are Modova gonna be this year? Doubt it. Mike does love it to bits but being honest now this is failing to qualify. It's not got the impact of their previous entry, lacks something and we just don't think Europe will get what this is about, instead they will just see silly-hats, girls on bikes and fail to see past that to the very serious rock band behind.
Greece. Will it be the first time for a non-qualifier from Greece? This is pretty dire and just doesn’t work on any level. Cute singer and will qualify and disappear in the final
Blue, blue my heart is so Blue. At long long last a UK entry we can be proud off. Not quite what we were expecting from them. But this is perfection for Eurovision and dare we hope that the UK might actually win this thing again?
San Marino return with a snooze-fest. Better luck next time. That was the first impression. The second and third impression actually made this shoot up our personal chart, climbing into our top ten. Money has been placed on this to qualify.....
The hated entry (and just about the only one) this year is Belgium; go away we can’t even play this.
Balkans again. Serbia this time. Quite fantastic, that’s all that needs be said.
And another Balkan, Macedonia this time. NEXT.
And all the way to the far west of Europe for Iceland. Ok so the guy died, all very sad and all that but really this is just rubbish.
And speaking of rubbish, Portugal missed some great songs in the National final and sent this. Really what were they thinking.
Back to the Balkans and Albania this time. Not their best entry to be fair but it is passable. Maybe it will make the final, maybe it wont but in 2 years from now who will remember this?
The granddaddy of the evil easterners now…Russia. Nice enough if a little ESC by numbers. Not gonna be their year again just yet. That said we heard rumours already that this is THE delegation promotion wise.....never did Ruslana or Tina Karol any harm did good promotion, so you never know how this might go.....can see either a top 3 or an epic fail, will have to revisit this in Dusseldorf....
Sovenia. Vampy, wailing woman sings about something unmentionable. Not too bad but have heard this all before from these parts of the world.
Denmark. After that HORROR from last year came fourth we didn’t expect too much from these guys. But we ended up being pleasantly surprised. This has broad appeal and damn them for upsetting Blue’s chances.
The (in some eyes) Demi-gods return. Italy has long been a pet hate of mine. While this is nice enough it might fall flat live as it’s more of a song that you listen to at home as background music. Still nice to have them back.
Skips Cyprus for the sake of my ears. Seriously it's the screaming.....get rid of it and you have a song that's not half bad, a singer that can sing (see Amsterdam) and oh well WTF do we know???
Next up the country that has had a great decade at ESC. With one of their worst songs for a long time. This really is Manga-lite and shouldn’t qualify let alone do a top 10, which it will inevitably do. Back to dum-tik-tok for Turkey next year. Yusek Sadakat why oh why did you pick an album track??
And just for a Change here comes Romania. One of our favourites this year. Simple jaunty pop song that has you singing alone almost instantly. They also have the best video this year. We loved this from the start, still love it now, and have each-way money on this
Another returnee now. Austria. Whatever you think of the song this girl has arguably the best voice in the competition this year. It’s all a bit Disney-on-acid but that’s not too bad a thing. We smell a qualification and maybe even an Iceland 2009 moment
France. You’d be forgiven for thinking you were listening to Vangelis Conquest of Paradise with words at the beginning. When we heard that France were sending operatic stuff this year the first thought was there goes the UK 12 points then. And actually it would be quite deserved. Won’t win in a million years still kudos for something different.
And the other Twiins. Dreadful wannabe Rhianna stuff. Next.
Norway. Oh Dear, oh dear oh dear. Go away!!
And finally
Armenia. Boom boom chaka chaka just about sums this up. Much more catchy than Norway and quite fun, we danced. We were drunk though.
So that’s it, came May 15th we will know who made it to the top of the pile this year, let’s face it it’s quite open and who knows it could be Manchester 2012…and if you enjoyed this then check out our live ESC week blog starting 29th April 2011.